Happiness. I wonder what it even means. I’ve heard it’s the state of feeling blessed, knowing that everything is al right or that it will be al right because things seem to be going the way we want. But then, nothing is ever al right, especially when things go our way, something is always missing. It’s same as when one door is unlocked, we get to see ten more locks to open. It never stops, and we always know that it’s not supposed to stop. Then what makes us happy? Delusion. A moment in a fool’s paradise.
Things like ‘sadness’ and ‘pain’ are even more confusing. It mostly happens when we are hurt or our expectations are not met. But then, is it not same as being weak? Complaining and moaning about things and then fondly indulging in self-pity as if anyone would care. Forgetting, that everyone has enough to take care of already. Arts of cowardice. Weaklings.
I may be wrong since, I fear I never had a real taste of either happiness or sadness. However, sane and clever people try to hold a middle ground. To know that things might be in our favour but, being careful not to expect much. To realize that we are not happy but not wanting anyone to see that. Keeping a middle ground and never giving in to any strong emotion. Thus, a gift of ever lasting discontent. Detachment and disconnection. I seek for sanity but clearly, its lunacy. Never mind!
For the past few days, I’ve been feeling a bit low. Not that anything in particular had happened but just been a bit more cranky and sullen than usual. Even bigger tragedy is my inability to cry and wail in front of anyone. Those who care for me are likely to get repulsed or so I think, and others simply don’t care.
Just as I was on my way to hostel from library today, on a signal the bus stopped and in a car nearby, I saw three kids. There was nothing remarkable about those chubby little things and also they seemed too much talkative. Another random look at them and they were making some in-comprehensible signs to me and mouthing words in a comic fashion. I was just too much confused if I should be offended or amused when the signal turned green. We were taking different routes. So now when I looked at those kids, they were waving at me. I just cared to wave back and they started waving even more vibrantly. Funny little people, I thought and noticed, I was smiling. I had always known that happiness comes from little things in life. You just have to look for it. But, I had truly appreciated the fact today.
How possibly could I ever be so thankless for such tender moments. Tender and innocent. Its all about our own perception. We may not have a choice given many things in our life, but the quality of it and also of those around us, we can definitely improve.