‘Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea,
and one on shore,
to one thing constant never.’
-Shakespeare (Much ado about nothing.)
“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time”. -Arabic Proverb
It’s middle of the night. You have had a long day but even though you are tired and cranky after all the work you have done today and more so, for all the work you still have not managed to get done with- you can not sleep.
You draw the curtains close, turn off the lights, punch your pillow and rub your feet together gently under the blanket which could not get more warm or comfortable. You can sense your back muscles relax as you lie while emptying your head from all thoughts so as to tell your body that you are about to sleep.
But just as you close your eyes, it’s as if all your sense have sprung into action. It’s now, that you can hear distinctly the cat meowing out there somewhere and you think about the light outside your room that keeps flickering.
Although nothing really provoking has occurred but you suddenly open your eyes and sit-up straight as if someone has punched you hard in the stomach. You can actually hear your stomach growl. You don’t need water, you are not even hungry and you are damn tired but there is an incomprehensible vacuum in which your head is hung and you cannot bring it back. In that moment of despair as you focus hard on ‘whats gone wrong?’ , you realize you need nothing, you want nothing and you are alone. It simply gets frustrating.
To tell the truth truthfully and not just say something and then pretend its the truth, so much that I eventually may start deceiving myself to believe that it is but truth, is a difficult thing to do. But, honestly speaking; I would not as much as lift a finger if I were to do anything solely for myself. Its not because I can’t; even though laziness happens to be my favorite to exercise as well as most despised sport, it can always be overcome with a little will power and reasoning with myself. What actually yields this miserably hopeless state is the fact that I am naturally content with nothing-ness.
This probably means nothing but I am content with not giving this excuse any more weight than what it already carries…and that too is nothing.