beauty of the beast

   There are no fangs, no claws. No horns, not a specter to be seen. Its called devil but who knows, its a beast within. It needs not the night, not in the shadows of apparitions does it crawl. Its whisper, soft as a swish of the sea. Its tread graceful and delicate, with the neck stiff and head high, held by the bones of pride and despise for what lies beneath. With the magic and trickery, it corrupts the soul and it exploits the piety. Fidelity it does not know and sincerity was never its host. Its justice is cruelty. Its command, brutality. Its art is greed. Deception, its trade. From the wine prohibited to the songs of rebellion, its the devil to be blamed. Devil and the children of devil, loathed by all, loved by none.

   I have not drunk the water of madness. I do not sing the songs of truth. I do not dance with my eyes open and still I see it. Its not the devil that i see in the mirror of reflection. Its the beast within. No words are worth the praise deserved by its beauty. Its wits when befriend the curiosity, leads me to forbidden fruits. I have come to respect it for its determination and dedication to the task its been given.

    The angels did not understand me but it was this who became my enemy. Its hatred for me has made me love it. It showed me my anger, my ego, my desires, my weaknesses. Its not lazy, it does not slack. Trapped me in its web and left for me no way but to bow and ask for help. The more it wounded my soul, the more became my thirst for pure. I question no more, why it was created, for i see it now. Its a beautiful creature. Perhaps the most, after the creator Himself.

   With the intensity of the nature of its existence, it makes me understand His love for me. No matter how many times I’m tested, I shall eat the forbidden fruit. Because, unless I do that, I shall not know why its forbidden. And if I do not realize why its forbidden, I shall never know the love of one Who warned me for my good. But He knew that I must eat it, and so created the devil. In the mirrors of reflection, I did not just see myself, I saw a beast within, the one whom I shall never kill.

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a question of faith

   I have come across this notion countless times, notion of blind faith. Faith itself is a belief that does not rest on logic or any material evidence so technically, it has to be blind. I must confess that I am a slave of reason. Reason that comes within the limited area of one’s knowledge and mine is too little. Given that, I could easily have developed faith in a lot of things, but I cannot. As a child, I had always wondered why am I not a Hindu, or a Christian or even atheist for that matter? I asked one of my teachers about it and she politely, yet with an element of warning told me not to question on faith. In different words, but that’s just what everybody told me, whom I had ever asked. I then realized that its actually a taboo in our society.

   But who could have repressed the inner turmoil? I am Muslim because I have been born to Muslim parents, but that for sure is not a reason enough. And then again, the talk of blind faith. If being a good follower of my religion makes me more righteous and if that requires blind faith, then how different am I from those who practice other religions with the same intensity of regard and again with their blind faiths? All religious preachers too in general discourage the questioning on faith. If the whole thing is so blind, are we all not lost a bit?

  Its not difficult to understand why I am what I am. But, it takes guts and a lot of self exploration to understand why I am not what I am not. I discarded the idea of blind faith as it led me no where. God would not have made me ‘the best of His creations’ by giving me brains and the ability to reason if it were such a useless thing.

  So I started questioning my inherited beliefs and also started exploring a little about other religions and atheism too. I would rather not go into the details of where I stand now and how I have come to be here, but it certainly has given me a lot more satisfaction. The idea that things could be reasoned and understood – a little if not completely – is actually a much better feeling than any blind faith giving me nothing but blind prayers.

   The simple question that ‘we are what we are, but why are we not what we are not, when we could be?’ has groomed my thoughts and approach towards life on many aspects other than religion. To be concise, it has opened on me the doors of countless possibilities.

   What is good for one is not necessarily the same for another. The way of questioning and reasoning worked for me but I must not say that it should be followed by any other. But then, how can you know, unless you try it?