(Alt+F4)

There was a soft knock on the door even though I had left it open. I only know one person who has the courtesy to knock even if the doors are open and he was standing just there- smiling. Knowing it’s him, I didn’t look up and so he came noiselessly in and sat by my side on the carpeted floor. It had just gotten dark outside and I had not turned on the lights. I love dark. The general notion about the dark is that it signifies sadness and horror but somehow, I have always found it to be soulful and liberating. It had just been five minutes when I came in the drawing room and sat in one corner on the cold floor. The wall opposite was dimly lit by the light coming from outside through the windows. I had come here hoping that no one will find me or come looking for me- but he always does.

His smile faded a little, but he kept looking at me still- now with an inquisitive look.

“What exactly are you doing here?”- not able to hold any longer he asked rather cheerfully. I can never fully comprehend why he becomes so cheerful around me. Sometimes I suspect he’s mocking me.

“Nothing”- I said. Still staring blankly at the wall.

“Nothing?”

“Precisely”.

 I don’t know exactly for how long I have known him. Maybe, forever but there’s always something new to be discovered about him and with that about me too. What I can tell you is that he asks many questions and besides that, it can be said that he is a man of very few words. However, no one is really sure of him being a man yet.

I turned to look at him for the first time now. “I’m trying not to think” I told him. “I have been doing too much listening, talking and especially thinking. It’s very exhausting”.

“Yes. It is”- he sighed. He wasn’t smiling anymore but I knew he understood. We didn’t say anymore. The silence felt soft and gentle. Like a warm cup of tea in winter evenings. In this silence we were comfortable. We sat there for around twenty minutes. After that he got up and left as quietly as he had come in. I followed. Everyone was sitting in the lounge and I was glad nobody asked me ‘where have you been?’

In that silence though, everything seemed static and unreal. Reality- I have found, is very dull and over-rated. People should practice being imaginative without thinking too much. It’s always so pacifying. I discovered that sometimes doing nothing means everything and also I had found peace with him that day. He- a figment of my imagination.

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what shame

    I was in the library and after much grinding my brains I figured all I need in the world is a good cup of tea. In cafe as I was sitting with a friend, a cup of tea in hand, books opened in front of us and talking about everything which was not related to our course of study, in a while a girl came to us. She started asking about the upcoming test and which book is better to review certain topics etc. She was in our batch but we had never had a chance to talk to her much before. This, probably was the first real conversation I had with this girl, though I’ve seen her around many times. 

   She looked foreigner to me, so I asked if she was. Turned out she was from Afghanistan and must have gotten admission here on ‘foreigners’ seat’. We casually started asking her more questions just for the sake of conversation. When we asked her if she would do her house job here, she replied, “Let me get done with my studies and I won’t stay longer than two days here”. It was not the words she said but the tone which delivered the expression of disgust. To be honest, I was offended. Very much offended, indeed. But not just offended, surprised as well. So much, that I said nothing in response and neither did my friend. Followed by the awkward silence, she said her farewell and left us. I’m not proud of back biting, but when I came to senses again, I could not stop saying, “Once you are done with your studies, we won’t let you stay longer than two days”. My friend chipped in, ” We have given you the chance to study here, we definitely won’t pay you for the house job, so shoo away”. We had a good laugh and so the tension in the air was relieved.

  I’m not as much angry as I’m surprised to have people with no opportunities, but once you be good enough to them and welcome them as your own, they have the guts to say bad things about your place. I’m genuinely surprised that what are these people made of? It won’t be fair and definitely wrong to be a racist and of course, not all of them are full of crap, but its a shame. If I and my friend had not remained silent then, we would have proven ourselves to be racists yet our silence gave liberty to someone to despise us on our faces and we bear the ‘honor’ of ‘hospitality’.  Its a shame that we are so bound in moralities that its hard to decide where to draw the line.

shame